Sunday, June 03, 2007

Ota-Word Play

So the first issue of Otaku USA has hit the stands, and your's truly provided some so-so movie reviews (though compared to the Atragon review by Sir William Regal, mine look downright caustic), a solid interview (which you can read below), and a cool column with Coco (again, look below). Now, being an asshole, one of my favorite things to do when writing for a 'zine is to see what does and doesn't make it to print. An old favorite of mine is from the Animerica days when "boobs" was deemed too dirty, but "spreading their legs and flashin' the gash" was read by thousands of 12 year old anime dorks, dying to peep the latest on Puni Chibi Princess Neko. While there's nothing that memorable in issue one of Otaku USA, there's still a handful of notables.

Referring to a group of "bad asses" is right as rain, "whip-yo-ass" is just dandy, but you can't move the goods in "high class hooker’s asses" that kind of activity must be done in their "cabooses". "Butthole" remains unmentionable (maybe that's why my grandma called it your "unmentionable"), you can't talk about your "farts" and god forbid you liken them to "noxious fumes". In the context of Henshin Pimp we cannot have our "ding dongs flapping in the wind", nor expose our "tootsie roll heads like an igloo", our "vein like a Shepard's cane", or have our "balls in plain sight", but the "skin on our scrotums" can and will "set the hillside ablaze". A "sonofabitch" should be called a "sonofagun", you can be "sure as hell" but never, ever "sure as shit", a "wound" can be "bloody", but never a "tampon", and above all it's A-OK to have a "long dong" a "cock", and you are most certainly permitted to "drench" something in "semen".

Overall the 'zine looked good for an inaugural issue. Tomo Machiyama is a wild, ranting madman as usual, Joey Coco delivers the goods, and it's cool to see Jason Thompson (gotta grab his book) large and in charge of the manga section. I've got my gripes, but shit, I'd have my "gripes" if I were fucking a One Million Years B.C-era Raquel Welsh in the Playboy grotto while Ralph Macchio cheered me on from the sidelines, telling me I had the "eye of the tiger". Plus, they did make me look good by cutting down my very long, and very dry, Demon Spies review.

One thing though: Moms Mabley doing jumping jacks what is with that chick in the comic's tits? They look like upside mangoes.

1 comment:

Joseph Luster said...

"The skin on our scrotums."